Leading The Congruent Life

The core of a balanced life is being congruent in two ways. The first is living in congruence with your values and beliefs for the overall scheme of your life. The second is being congruent in your every day living. This occurs when your thoughts, feelings and behavior are consistent and in alignment.

Life congruence starts with discovering or uncovering your values and beliefs, then living out those values. We don't stop to think about it but what others see for all practical purposes is what we are. In other words, living a messy, ineffective, or inauthentic life may not only be troubling to you, but is the way others perceive you and judge your values. How can people think that our behavior is anything but a reflection of our values and beliefs? You may be living in any of the following states where you:

• know your values and act according to those values
• know your values but for many reasons don't act according to them
• don't know your values and beliefs and act based upon others' values and dictates
• don't know what you value and act in a haphazard and reactive manner

    The first state is true congruence. For most of us, congruence emerges from a long process of self- reflection and life experiences. And we are not always in that full state of congruence. We generally slip and slide back and forth to the second, knowing and not acting or the third, not being sure and living according to others' values. The last state generally requires professional help as it is so disorganized that it can be evidence of really in-effective coping. People can, of course, dip down into this state when experiencing spiritual or life crises.
    
Knowing your values but not acting and living according to them is a form of incongruence. Carl Rogers originated the term congruence as it refers to our living and relating to others. He described congruence as our thoughts feeling and behaviors matching. In communication there are two ways to be incongruent, either by deceit or denial. Deceit is being aware of your thoughts and feelings but not expressing them. It may be because of fear of being your authentic self. And it takes courage to be that authentic self. When you are certain about what you value and the direction for your life, you can move forth to express yourself congruently. Incongruence by denial is when we deny or don't recognize a feeling. The denial is a defense mechanism to reduce our anxiety. To bring up the feeling causes anxiety so we don't let ourselves "feel' the feeling. What is interesting about this state is that usually others can see what we are feeling even though we don't consciously express it. Centering practices such as relaxation and meditation help to reduce anxiety.

The third state, not knowing your own values and beliefs but reacting and/or living according to others', blocks living a balanced life. An indication that you may be in this third state is when there is a large gap between the time you spend on an area of your life and your amount of satisfaction. This is a form of cognitive dissonance. You can discover what your true values are by reflecting upon this cognitive dissonance. For example, you may be working very long hours and spending little time with your family or on other fulfilling activities. If your satisfaction level is low about this, what does it mean? It may mean that you really do value work above other areas of your life, but then to really be congruent, the amount of work and satisfaction would be more closely correlated. Or perhaps you are living according to others' expectations of what is "good living" and you are not sure about your own values and identity, or, put another way, whose life are you living? The last possibility is that you realize that you do value many things besides working, but have just forgotten. Uncovering your true values relating to work and the rest of your life sets you back on the path to congruence.

Self-reflection is essential to this discovering and uncovering process. 


Emmett Fox describes an optimal life state as being in your true place. This is different from being in the right place. Fox writes "you are always in your right place because you are always in the place that corresponds with your mentality at the moment, but this may not be your true place." You are learning something from each experience and it reflects your current state of understanding. Fox explains that each of us is unique and that no one but you can fill your true place. When your right place and true place become one, that's congruence.
Thoreau said it this way:

Live your beliefs and
You can turn the world around

Source
http://leadingyourlife.com/newsletters/04.htm

Napolean Hill's Carnegie Secret Revealed

 Napolean Hill's Carnegie Secret Revealed

People are searching for the Carnegie Secret so intensely that they're willing to pay good money for it.  But, before they do... they should know something about the secret:  it cannot be purchased for money... and, anyone who tries to sell it for a monetary price is a fraud.  Let me explain.  If Napoleon Hill wanted you to know what the secret was, don't you think he would have told you in Think & Grow Rich?  If he wanted to make money off of the secret don't you think he would have done so in his lifetime?  Or, perhaps his foundation might have done so in the years after his death?

I thought so.

Other than being a great literary device to ensure you read the entire book with an open mind, the truth is that NO ONE can tell you what the secret is... it cannot be given away or sold.

Do you want to know why:

To help me explain, I'd like to quote several paragraphs from Think & Grow Rich in which Napoleon Hill gives his most revealing clues as to what the secret is:
A peculiar thing about this secret is that those who acquire and use it find themselves literally swept on to success. However, as is often pointed out in this book, there is no such thing as something for nothing. The secret cannot be had without paying a price, although the price is far less than its value.

Another peculiarity is that the secret cannot be given away and it cannot be purchased for money. Unless you are intentionally searching for the secret, you cannot have it at any price. That is because the secret comes in two parts, and in order for you to get it, one of those parts must already be in your possession.

I have never known anyone who was inspired to use the Carnegie secret who did not achieve noteworthy success. On the other hand, I have never known any person to distinguish themself, or to accumulate riches of any consequence, without possession of the secret. From these two facts I draw the conclusion that the secret is more important for self-determination than anything you receive through what is popularly known as "education".

As a final word of preparation, may I offer one brief suggestion that could provide a clue how the Carnegie secret might be recognized? It is this: achievement, and all earned riches, have their beginning in an idea. If you are ready for the secret, you already possess one-half of it. Therefore, you will recognize the other half the moment it reaches your mind.

So, the first half of the secret is being ready to receive it... which opens your mind to possibilities.  It cannot be given away, bought, or sold... yet, it comes with a price... the price of experience.  (Some people pay for this experience with their lives!)  The secret is more important for self-determination and it begins with an idea... your DESTINY.  So, what is the second half of the secret?

It's your FREEWILL...

It's your God-given, inalienable right, as a human being, to control and focus your thoughts on whatever you choose.  It is your ability to choose YOUR OWN purpose in life... your mission...  It's the personal power within you to make your own decisions and to stand by them...

It's DEFINITENESS OF PURPOSE... your DEFINITE MAJOR PURPOSE!

It answers the ultimate questions: "Who am I", "Why am I here?" and "What is my purpose in life?"  You are here because and your purpose in life is WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE IT TO BE!  Your secret is a CHOICE that only you can make!  That is why Napoleon Hill wouldn't tell you what the secret is and that's why nobody else can tell you what it is.

YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE YOUR DESTINY FOR YOURSELF!

Remember Napoleon Hill saying in his book that if you are ready for the secret you already possess half of it?  The other half of the secret is your FREEWILL.  Remember Napoleon Hill saying that he's never known anyone who applied the secret who didn't become successful?  That's because over 98% of the population don't have a clue as to what they want in life... the remaining 2% that do have a clue are busy making it happen and, through persistence, will eventually succeed!

Remember Napoleon Hill saying that EVERYONE who knew the secret was literally swept away to success and riches?  When you know your own secret... many doors of opportunity will open for you and your path will become clear.

Remember Napoleon Hill saying that you can either CHOOSE to be rich or CHOOSE to be poor? He was right!

If you're still not convinced that the secret is your freewill, I'll now quote the paragraphs in which Napoleon Hill mentions it directly... they are found in the last chapter of Think & Grow Rich:

You have absolute control over only one thing, and that is your thoughts. This is the most significant and inspiring of all facts known to humans. It reflects our divine nature. This ability to control your thoughts is the sole means by which you may control your own destiny. If you fail to control your own mind, you may be sure you will control nothing else. Your mind is your spiritual estate. Protect and use it with care to which divine royalty is entitled. You were given your willpower for this purpose.

Mind control is the result of self-discipline and habit. You either control your mind or it controls you. There is no halfway compromise. The most practical method for controlling your mind is the habit of keeping it busy with a definite purpose backed by a definite plan. Study the records of those who achieve noteworthy success, and you will see that they have control over their own minds, and that they exercise that control and direct it toward the attainment of definite objectives. Without this control, success is not possible.

Previously you may have had a logical excuse for not having forced life to come through with whatever you asked. That alibi is now obsolete because you are in possession of the Master Key that unlocks the door to life's riches.

The Master Key is intangible, but it is powerful. It is the privilege of creating, in your own mind, a burning desire for a definite form of riches. There is no penalty for the use of the key, but there is a price you must pay if you do not use it. The price is failure. There is a reward of stupendous proportions if you put the key to use. It is the satisfaction that will come to you when you conquer self and force life to pay whatever is asked.

Andrew Carnegie

And there you have it... the Carnegie Secret is that you have the ability to choose your own destiny... and achieve it through the use of your willpower.

Source
http://www.thinkgrowballs.com/blog/2011/05/01/napoleon-hills-carnegie-secret-revealed/